


Should have brought my library card because I wanna check you out

by gardenpsyche (dorktier)



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Library, Asexual Character, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Shenanigans, Trans Character, sexy ghosts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-04-20 02:01:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4769366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorktier/pseuds/gardenpsyche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'I’m a librarian and I catch you almost every week moving your favourite fantasy series from the fiction to the non-fiction section.' </p><p>AKA josh is big scifi nerd and tyler is an overworked librarian dealing with his shenanigans</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Week 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is gonna be multi chaptered lets see how this works out  
> feedback would be really great too also hopefully later chapters will be longer

Working in a library Tyler had surprising grown used to seeing weird things that he had just mostly given up on questioning why anyone would do that. He distinctly remembered in his first week the fire alarm had been set off due to a couple of teenagers attempting to start a mini bonfire in the erotic romance section, managing to destroy a fairly impressive amount of books before they could be stopped. There was also the incident where someone had asked Tyler if he worked in the library and then proceeded to explain in detail about a lady they had seen take a single leaf off of one of the potted plants and stuff it in her purse, the lady was still to this day sometimes reportedly seen by various patrons. One of Tyler’s co-workers would constantly tell people about the time she had been approached by a teenage boy with a crumpled dollar bill; he asked if she could make a dollar and then elaborated, when she was understandably confused, that he wanted to photocopy the bill to make more dollar bills. After cackling for five minutes straight she then directed him out of the library. 

He had even started to enjoy the antics that arose from the colourful cast of characters that he saw around his workplace. There were however times where he questioned why he even wanted this job and he had been reminded of that the past week every time he looked at the pile of taxes that someone had asked him to look after for a minute and then never came back for. Tyler could relate to not wanting to do his taxes too but he was bitter that someone had just left theirs for him to deal with. Jenna interrupted his pessimistic glaring at the paperwork when she walked past pushing a trolley stacked with books.

“Still not sure what to do with those taxes Ty?” she asked him with a cheeky grin; Tyler squinted his eyes at the pile and shook his head.

“Was thinking that I should hunt down the guy that left them here and write him a strongly worded letter about how librarians do not exist to do all your paperwork and then tell him I’ll get the broom out if I see him here again.” He huffed and placed a stack of books on top of the tax files to hide them from his view.

Jenna could barely contain her snort of laughter “Alright then you little vigilante for overworked librarians everywhere.” She pushed the trolley towards Tyler sitting behind the desk “I also need you to start putting these returns away it’s time for my break.” She patted one of the books and left before Tyler could protest.

He was always left with the annoying jobs since Jenna was technically his boss; Tyler was in a very bitter mood today he realised. Standing up he put down the pen he had been playing with and made his way to the overflowing trolley. There were return books from nearly every area of the library and Tyler knew he most likely wasn’t going to be able to finish sorting them all out by the end of his shift. 

He started off in the kids section, meekly trying to avoid having to deal with any questions or shenanigans from the children. Usually he would be more than happy to entertain the kids and play along with their wild stories but today just was not Tyler’s day.

It could be argued that the main reason for Tyler’s negative mood wasn’t necessarily the orphaned tax forms or the piled up book trolley but probably the fact that he would have to go home after this and be subjected to his room mate, Mark, and his girlfriend yet again. He was happy for them, of course, but it was hard to show that when he had to constantly be around them and their overuse of PDA and especially when Mark’s bedroom was just across the hallway from Tyler’s room. He had always assumed that as he grew older he’d get more comfortable with that side of relationships but he had accepted that he probably wouldn’t ever, he didn’t mind though. 

He was distracted from his thoughts as a lady approached him; he turned to her and tried to give his warmest smile. 

“What can I help you with ma’am?” she cleared her throat.

“I was just wondering if you had any books for children still learning to read?” she asked him and he immediately pointed towards the _S_ section of the children’s area.

“Dr. Seuss is usually quite good for that, his books are just over there.” And the lady immediately shook her head.

“Anything besides his books please, he uses made up words. You shouldn’t be reading made up words when you’re still learning to read.” She said sternly.

Tyler faltered “Uh, alright.” He picked up a random children’s book from the trolley and handed it to her “This one is pretty good too.” She inspected it.

“Hm, haven’t heard of this author before but okay.” Tyler breathed a sigh of relief as she wandered off till eyeing the cover of the book. He was going to have to find another author to recommend for parents like her now, he really didn’t know much about kids’ books. 

It was always slightly anxiety-inducing when he had to talk to patrons older than he was but he did he best to brush off the exchange and continue his way through the sections with his trolley. Aside from the sparse students with their heads buried in textbooks and their laptop along with parents accompanying their kids it was pretty empty in the library. 

He ended up eventually at the non-fiction section which was probably his least favourite place to do returns. Filled with way too heavy books and coffee addled college students, Tyler preferred to avoid it altogether.

Starting from the _A_ section he begrudgingly started putting the books back as he sat on the floor, he was usually not allowed to do that but he couldn’t see another person in sight this far back in the library. After a while he eventually started hearing footsteps coming towards non-fiction, Tyler glanced towards the direction of the noise and turned back to his job when he saw it was just a guy carrying a pile of books. He was extremely used to seeing people walk out of the library attempting to carry a tower of books with their hands; he assumed the red head was no different. 

The boy crouched behind one of the non-fiction shelves and after not getting up for roughly fifteen minutes Tyler started to get suspicious. Abandoning his trolley and the books he was shelving he stood up and walked around the bookcase to find the boy sitting cross legged on the floor with small mounds of assorted books around him. He whipped his head up when Tyler rounded the corner. 

“Um, do you need any help sir?” Tyler tried to offer but the guy simply stood up, turned around and quickly walked off leaving the books where he left them. 

“Why are all the cute ones assholes.” He muttered as he walked over to the books that had been ditched. 

A lot of the books on the floor were non-fiction and in their place seemed to be a series of sci-fi novels. Tyler really wished he was on The Office right now so that he could stare into the camera as any patience he had left slowly left his being. What kind of prick replaces non-fiction books with fiction books in the _non-fiction_ section of the library? 

Tyler decided he didn’t really want to know.


	2. Week 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuck aliens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter sorry, im goin to nz for a week tomorrow tho so this is it for a while.

It had been roughly a week since Tyler had seen the guy with bright red hair and at this point he had mostly forgotten about it now. He had more important things to worry about than some asshole up to no good, like for example: trying to salvage any peace he had left in his apartment.

This morning Tyler had unsuccessfully attempted to avoid the couple that had been constantly occupying the place for god knows how long, seriously couldn't he even eat breakfast without having to deal with their lack of care for each other’s’ personal space? He tore of a piece of his toast and flung it at Mark’s head, he didn't even react.

Tyler emitted a loud groan “Seriously, you guys aren't even eating anything why are you in here!” and he tried to throw yet another piece of his breakfast at them. 

Mark and his girlfriend, Sarah, finally paid attention to Tyler just as he got ready to arm himself with another bit of toast. 

“I'm sorry Tyler but that’s what happens when it’s true love.” Mark said deadpan, “we just cannot be more than 5 metres apart otherwise we will both cease to exist.” He rested the back of his hand on his forehead and pretended to swoon into Sarah’s arms. Tyler just decided to eat the toast chunk he was holding instead of wasting it on his ridiculous house mate. 

“Well, keep your wonderful and undying true love at least 5 metres away from _me_ then.” Tyler retorted, earning himself a high five from Sarah much to Mark’s protest. 

“Have fun at work Tyler!” Sarah chimed “Maybe you’ll see the cute red head.” She winked at him.

“Ugh, hopefully I don’t. No one comes in and disorganises my library, not on my watch, oh no. Evil would love that wouldn’t it?” Tyler shook his fist at nothing in particular. He picked up his backpack and settled his headphones on his ears for his daily train ride to the library. If he hadn’t been so distracted then he might have noticed the small red headed punk on the train desperately hoping Tyler didn’t notice him.

As soon as Tyler stepped through the doors of the library he was met by Jenna, who sent him over to the check out and returns desk. He hadn’t bothered to tell Jenna about the book swapping menace from last week as he assumed it was a one off thing. 

Tyler had resigned himself to a day of scanning books and helping visitors, he didn’t mind it though since it was better than some of the other jobs he had to do. At least in his comfortable seat behinds the desks he could sneak onto his phone sometimes. 

In his comfortable seat Tyler also had a direct view of the returns hole, where he would occasionally get a scare whenever books fell through while he was distracted. Sometimes, however, he would see the tops of people’s heads as they walked past. He nearly jumped out of his seat when he saw a flash of red go past the hole. 

Tyler decided to wait for a few minutes as he saw the guy hastily run into the adult fiction area and then saw him emerge with a stack of books in his arms, the _exact same books_. Jumping up when he saw that the Red-Headed Menace, as Tyler had now dubbed him, he walked out from behind the desk and followed him into the non-fiction section. Tyler could see him crouched down as he started the same thing he had tried to do last week, pulling each book out and replacing it with one taken from the sci-fi area. 

“Halt!” Tyler yelped as he jumped out from behind a bookshelf, there was a loud clatter as the red head dropped a book he was holding in shock and he yelled before realising it was Tyler.

Tyler squinted “Who are you and what are you doing with my books?” he pointed a finger at the boy who was now slowly getting up. 

He looked down at the books he had been replacing and then up at Tyler and back down again at the books. “I jus- I uh.” He faltered before looking back up to Tyler again. “Aliens are real.” He whispered and then turned to leave.

“What? Hey!” Tyler tried to run after him “Aliens are not real and do not belong in non-fiction you menace!” he yelled as he gave up on running after the now sprinting boy. He really needed to get fitter, Tyler noted to himself. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jenna making her way towards him and he quickly backed up.

“Tyler, why are you yelling? Who was that guy?” she put her hands on her hips and Tyler stuttered. “Do you know him?” she tried again.

He shook his head. “Just some asshole that’s been coming in to swap books, he’s stressing me out. He won’t even tell me his name!” Tyler huffed and crossed his arms. Jenna had a smirk playing on her lips.

“He’s pretty cute isn’t he, I’d want to know his name too.” She snickered quietly and interrupted Tyler before he could defend himself. “Go clean the books up though, and tell me if he comes back.”

He begrudgingly turned around to go sort the books back to where they were supposed to go. He was going to get the broom out the next time he saw that menace with his goddamn x-files books, trying to mess up his goddamn library. 

Goddamn cute punk with his goddamn alien obsession. Not in Tyler’s library.


	3. Week 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i lied quick have this before i actually leave for nz. shout out to frey for helpin me w ideas too ur the best bro

“So he’s come into the library twice to move some alien books into the real truth books section?” 

Tyler sighed “Yes, essentially.” 

Mark can’t help but cackle as Tyler sits with a glum expression on his face. “That’s priceless! I hope he comes back again, you should get his number.” He nudged Tyler and in response Tyler groaned.

“I don’t want to be his friend, Mark! I just want him to stop terrorising my library.” He banged his head onto the table and yelped when he realised he came down too hard and Mark only pats his back as support.

Tyler may have been more amused than anything about the Red Headed Menace but if you asked him that he would have vehemently denied it and threatened to throw those X-files novels at him the next time he saw his curly mop of bright hair. He may have just been mostly annoyed that he had to clean up the messes the short punk left behind however. 

“I didn’t mean as friends, buddy.” Mark started patting his head instead, which was still resting on the cool surface of their kitchen bench. Tyler sat him and squinted his eyes at Mark.

“I don’t want anything to do with him!” he stood up from his chair and punched Mark in the arm as a good night gesture. 

Tyler was heading to bed early since he had to be up early to open for Jenna, he also wanted to be ready in case _he_ happened to show up to cause more shenanigans for Tyler. Relief washed over him like a wave as soon as he hit his bed, wrapping himself up in his blankets and purposely taking up as much room as he could in his comfortable double bed. 

Sometimes he had a lot of trouble even managing to fall asleep, over thinking and over analysing things until the early sombre hours of the morning but tonight his brain was more than happy to shut up and let Tyler sleep. His snoring carrying on until his alarm just as the sun started rising. 

He found himself half asleep and drinking his coffee like it was water the next morning as he was the first person to enter the library, no matter how much he slept Tyler always felt like the walking dead when he woke up. He left all his duties he usually had to tend to in the morning while Jenna was around and opted to instead attempt to nap at the checkout desk. 

Tyler did not manage to get any sleep and was instead forced to do the returns once Jenna arrived and found him unable to keep his eyes open. 

“You should really get some more sleep.” Jenna muttered as she directed him to the trolley and Tyler simply shrugged. He wasn’t really in the mood to explain how he’d literally gotten more sleep than what was probably recommended. Instead he grabbed the trolley and wheeled it away, ready to instead lie on the floor until someone rolled him out. Today was not a good day for Tyler. 

Managing to successfully dodge any questions from patrons, Tyler spent a good portion of his shift sitting on the floor in front of various bookshelves and looking as though he was working when really he was just questioning his career choices.

Sometimes Tyler really enjoyed his job as a librarian but overall he really just wanted something different. Something that wouldn’t involve having to go back to college for or something that wouldn’t involve him sitting behind a desk all day every day. He had little hope he would end up being lucky enough to find something better than his current job to pursue. Tyler really didn’t want it to be like that at all, having a job with such little purpose. He just didn’t want to have struggled through high school and college, promising himself that things would get better only to be stacking books all day and trying to sleep through his lunch breaks. 

He loved the people he worked with and the lack of stress but Tyler didn’t belong there and he knew it. 

A thump from behind the shelf he was currently stocking surprised him, making him fall back onto his palms. Tyler rolled his eyes and continued putting the books away, dismissing the noise as something insignificant. A couple of minutes later Tyler stood up and turned to his right only to see a certain alien fanatic who had been terrorising the library as he stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Tyler with wide eyes. 

As quick as a rabbit, the book menace had darted away as Tyler started to chase after him. He wasn’t doing a very good job however in his sleepy state of mind and the red head got further away until heslipped on a book that had been lying nearby. The punk screeched in surprise and fell back, whacking his head on the side of a shelf. 

Tyler ran up to him ready to shoo him away but instead knelt down when he realised how serious it was. He was clutching the side of his head as he winced, making no attempt to get up or even acknowledge Tyler’s presence. 

“Hey, are you alright?” Tyler tried to ask but the boy continued to groan and squeeze his eyes shut, obviously in pain. “Can I help you up then?” was his second question as Tyler held his hand out. 

He obliged and grabbed Tyler’s hand, being hoisted up while he had to grab the shelf next to him for support.

“Shit, man. Come on let’s get you some ice.” Tyler pulled the shorter boy’s arm across the back of his neck and held onto his arm as he led him to the staff room. 

Putting him down once they got to the break room, Tyler went in search for ice. Pulling out a frozen water bottle from the freezer, he wrapped a tea cloth around it and handed it to the red head.

Tyler pulled up a chair in front of him and sat down; the other boy still hadn’t said anything yet.

“So,” Tyler started “what do you have to say for yourself, you terroriser of books and librarians?” 

“Uh, thanks.” He mumbled as he tried to keep the water bottle against his head. “For the ice.” He quickly clarified. 

Tyler stared at him “Why are you harassing my books?” He tried again.

The red head looked down at his feet, seemingly embarrassed that he had been finally caught. “Because aliens are real” was his only answer. Tyler tried to ignore just how cute his voice was. 

“I- ok. What’s your name?” 

“Uh, it’s Josh.” He ducked his head and continued to look down at his high top shoes. 

“Alright well, I’m Tyler and you’re leaving the non-fiction books alone or so help me.” Tyler found it hard to be mad at Josh after witnessing his fall but he wasn’t ready to forgive him any time soon.

Josh with some new-found confidence just chuckled “Yeah, alright. If you can catch me next time.” 

“Hey! No!” Tyler pointed at him and glared “You- No. Stop that” a frustrated tone lacing his words.

“If I catch you in here swapping the books again I’m getting the broom out and you won't be laughing then alright.” Tyler tried but he was unbelievably bad at being intimidating. 

Josh put his hand up in mock surrender, the other still nursing his bump “Yes, sir. You won’t see me here again.” 

“Ok, you know what. Shoo. Let me live my life in peace.” Tyler stood up and started attempting to wave him off and Josh laughed in response. 

He also stood up after Tyler and began making his way out of the room, “See you next week.” Were Josh’s final words as he waved a good bye and disappeared from Tyler’s sight.

Tyler sat down and buried his head in his hands before emitting a loud and annoyed groan. “Why is he so cute, why are the assholes always so cute?” he whined.


	4. Week 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, Tyler don’t you think this is moving too fast? Now you’re asking for my library card, next thing you know you’re asking me to move in!” Josh pretended to swoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for all the kudos and comments oh man i love you guys  
> new zealand was pretty cool tho i found out that the glowing stuff on glow worms is their poop and you do not put meat in hot springs at all  
> also saw the visit today and that lil kid is definitely tyler joseph 2.0

Tyler picked at the hem of his shirt, frayed fabric starting to show for his constant habit, as he avoided the gaze of his psychologist. 

Her name was Melissa and she had barely let Tyler sit down before asking, “Before we start can I ask how your week was? What kind of things happened?” 

There was the click of a pen as the psychologist got ready to start writing notes, he’d asked to see what she’d been writing one session and he had decided after seeing them that he’d rather not know anything else she wrote after that. She agreed too.

It was always hard for Tyler to collect his thoughts enough to recount how his week had been, always ending his responses with vague mumbling and shrugging. The only reason he really still saw Melissa was because of his parents and the fact that seeing someone reassured them that Tyler was probably getting better even if he really wasn’t. He didn’t see how talking to someone for an hour every fortnight helped but he wasn’t about to voice that to anyone.

Today however Tyler at least had a different response to his usual reply and he scratched absentmindedly at his neck before looking up at his waiting psychologist. 

“It was kind of weird, that red head guy I mentioned keeps coming into the library.” Tyler squinted at nothing in particular on the floor, “this time though he fell? And it turns out his name is Josh and he’s actually kind of cute? Really annoying and I want to throw the books at him but cute.” He wasn’t too sure where to go with it after that although he managed to add in “Oh and I’ve started writing again? I guess.” 

Melissa offered Tyler a smile after scribbling down quickly in her notebook, “you’re writing again, that’s good! What made you start doing that again?” she tried to ask Tyler who had gone back to pulling at his shirt.

“I’m not really sure. Just had more stuff to let out I guess.” He didn’t really have an answer for it, he had just found it in him to slowly start to pick up the pen and use its ink again. It was usually a sign that he was doing better than usual though. 

“What kind of things?” she replied, Tyler just shrugged.

“I don’t know. I don’t really pay that much attention to things like that” seemed to satisfy his psychologist. He thought it was a bit of silly question to ask him but he wasn’t the one who had a degree so he kept his mouth shut beyond that.

She nodded vigorously “Fair enough, what about Josh? You said he was cute?”

“Uh, what about it? I mean he’ll probably show up again this week but yeah,” Tyler really wasn’t sure what else she expected him to say. She clearly was expecting a different answer however as she seemed tempted to try ask more about Josh but instead just wrote something down in her notepad. 

Tyler shifted uncomfortably on the sofa; he glanced up at the painting on the wall to his right. It was just simple, colourful, with geometric shapes and lines. He suddenly realised how tired he was.

__

Every day that week Tyler had always kept a broom close by, he hadn’t been kidding when he said he would chase Josh out with it the next time he saw it. He had even started placing a few under bookshelves when he knew Jenna wasn’t around and was furtively checking the entrance for the Red Headed Menace. 

Today however Tyler had his nose buried in a book as he sat behind the checkout desk, the library practically empty. He didn’t read much but when something caught his attention Tyler would be determined to finish the book as fast as he could, especially this one. His two favourite genres of comedy and horror had been combined into one entertaining novel and god dammit Tyler was going to finish it before his shift ended.

There was the occasional sound of footsteps as his co-worker, Patrick, slowly made his way through the returns. It was a comfortable silence to Tyler and he appreciated someone else putting the books away for once. 

He saw someone enter the library from the corner of his eye but when he saw that they didn’t have red hair he went back to his novel. There was no way Tyler was going to let Josh mess with the books again, not on his watch. 

“Hey, Tyler?” He looked up to find Patrick making his way over to the desk looking confused.

Tyler put his book down with his thumb in the middle of the pages he was reading, “what’s up man?” he asked Patrick.

“There’s a guy moving some of the books, I think you mentioned him last week.” Patrick pointed over towards the non-fiction and Tyler put his book down completely.

Whispering complaints under his breath Tyler got up and thanked Patrick before grabbing a broom sitting nearby. He wanted to know how Josh managed to sneak past him this time.

He could hear the quiet thumps of books being moved and dropped onto the floor and Tyler held his trusty broom higher as he jumped into the isle Josh was in and hit him in the back before nearly dropping his broom. 

Blue? His hair was blue? Where was the red? Blue? Tyler stared in disbelief as Josh yelped and got up, abandoning his books.

“Man, you were serious about the broom!” Josh scrunched his nose as he rubbed his back although Tyler was still intently staring at the freshly dyed hair.

“It’s blue? Why would you do that?” He pointed at Josh’s hair and narrowed his eyes while the now Blue Haired Menace let out a small nervous laugh.

“Uh, yeah it’s blue now. Is it really that bad though?” Josh sounded a little worried as he said that and Tyler nearly hit him again for thinking anyone could think he looked bad with blue hair or any coloured hair for that matter.

Tyler shook his head, “what? No, it’s cute what are you talking about. I-” he stopped talking when he realised what he had said and tried again slower. “No, wait god damn it. I mean it’s harder to recognise you! How am I supposed to know when you’re in here terrorising everything when you change your hair like that?” He mentally high fived himself for that sick save.

“Yeah, alright if you say so.” Josh continued to laugh, his eyes crinkling and, to Tyler’s horror, stuck his tongue out. 

“Shoo! Stop ruining my life and this library, I’m busy!” Tyler swept the broom at Josh’s feet in an attempt to get him to move but he just cocked his head to the side.

“Busy? Oh yeah, you were reading something when I walked past.” He ran his hand through his hair. “How’s that going for you?”

Tyler had now started softly hitting Josh’s feet with the broom and answered with “better before you ruined it.” In the most bitter and disappointed voice he could muster but all he got from Josh for that was a chuckle. 

“Aw, come one Tyler. Go back to your book and I’ll go back to mine, deal?” Josh had even stuck his hand out to shake but Tyler hit it with his broom.

“No! Borrow something or leave!” Tyler huffed and spun around to walk back to his desk, if he had to look at Josh for another second he was going to have to lie on the floor to recover from seeing something so pretty. 

He took his place back at the desk and picked up his novel, he saw Patrick walk past nearby and seemed to be giggling. He tried to glare a hole into the back of his co-worker’s head as he walked off with the returns trolley. 

Tyler eventually heard someone approach and assumed it to be Patrick but when he looked up he only saw Josh’s cheeky grin and a pile of books in his arms. 

“Here to borrow some books!” he set the mountain he had been holding onto Tyler’s desk and then put his hands on his hips.

“No.”

“Aw, Tyler!” Josh pouted and Tyler stared at him.

He begrudgingly grabbed the first book from the pile and started to scan them one by one, ignoring any attempts at conversation by Josh until he had to ask for his library card. 

“Oh, Tyler don’t you think this is moving too fast? Now you’re asking for my library card, next thing you know you’re asking me to move in!” Josh pretended to swoon and Tyler tried his best to look mad while his cheeks burned. He gave Tyler his library card however with an apologetic smile.

Josh stacked the books back onto his arms and with one last grin towards Tyler he made his way out of the library and Tyler let out the breath he didn’t even realise he had been holding in.

“HOPE YOU GOT HIS NUMBER!” he heard Patrick call from behind one of the shelves and when Tyler glared at him he laughed to himself and continued his book stacking. 

Tyler couldn’t concentrate on his book for the rest of the day.


	5. Week 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for not updating for over a month! a lot of stuff was happening mostly school related and i just kinda forgot about this fic omg (i also got into the hamilton musical and it was all i could think about for weeks whoops)  
> it's nearly the summer holidays so i'll be posting a lot more soon, thank u all for ur kudos' and comments it's really appreciated

“Tyler! My wonderful small innocent mouse Tyler.”

He groaned and banged his head on the cabinet he was standing next to, not even hiding out in the break room was enough to stop Jenna from hunting him down. She approached giddy and smiled brightly as Tyler tried to offer her a smile back.

“What do you want my adoring excitable could-fire-me-if-she-wanted-to boss?” He mumbled to her in response and set down the bottle of water he had been holding, Jenna immediately grabbed in hands.

“You know how it’s Halloween soon right? Shush you, don’t give me that look,” she nudged Tyler, “anyway we’re having a staff Halloween party here and we should go in matching costumes! Wouldn’t that be great?” Jenna had practically started bouncing on her feet, blonde hair slightly jumping with her. 

Tyler immediately brightened at the question. He _loved_ Halloween, he loved the costumes, the candy, the music, the trick or treating, the kids, everything. He also loved doing couple and group costumes, his friends often letting him design them in the past years so that the whole group looked spooky and ready to scare whatever party they were attending.

Jenna poked his stomach playfully when she saw how excited Tyler was, “aha! I knew you’d love the idea, no one could hate Halloween!” She picked up a muffin that she had set down beside her and bit into it, “anyway it’s this Saturday and you can bring friends if you want! We don’t have too many employees here so we’re pretty relaxed on how many people you bring.” 

Tyler had his ribs crushed as she wrapped her arms around him and started up her jumping again, he didn’t mind though he liked seeing Jenna so happy. “What kind of costumes were you thinking of?” he managed to ask when he got his breath back.

“I’m not sure yet, I’ll come in with my laptop tomorrow with all of my bookmarks and we can go through it! We’re gonna have the best costumes in the whole state Ty.” She hugged Tyler again before leaving the break room with her half eaten muffin. 

It was weirdly quiet without Jenna’s bubbly atmosphere in the room, it creeped Tyler out having to listen to nothing but the quiet hum of the refrigerator. Picking up his phone he made his way back out and heard the faint voice of Jenna conversing with someone and as he made his way closer he realised who it was.

“Tyler, hey!” Josh waved him over with a huge grin on his face, Jenna besides him had the slyest grin that Tyler had ever seen.

Tyler stuck his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and regarded Josh suspiciously. “You haven’t swapped the books yet have you?” his tone was accusing and Jenna rolled her eyes.

“You’ll have to go check.” Josh cackled before Jenna jumped in between him and Tyler and placed her hands on her waist triumphantly. 

“Tyler! I was just talking to Josh about Halloween and he should definitely come to the employee party as your guest.” Tyler just wanted to tell her she was louder than the maximum noise for a library but instead he just shook his head.

“Don’t you have better things to do than annoy me and my social life?” he asked Jenna, grumpiness was evident in his voice and the blonde simply snorted in laughter.

She patted Tyler on the head, “yes, I definitely do but they’re not as fun.” She left the pair, claiming to have new books to organise and even politely shook Josh’s hand before making her leave. 

Josh’s face had warmed slightly and an almost awkward silence came over them, shifting from one foot to another Tyler didn’t really know what to say.

“Uh, if it makes you uncomfortable or whatever I won’t come to the party, don’t worry about it man.” Josh’s voice was uncertain and he refused to make eye contact with the taller boy.

Tyler’s eyes widened, “no, it’s ok! Sorry if I came off like that, I’m just a little tired of Jenna’s antics.” He let out a small laugh and absently scratched the back of his head.

Josh had his arm’s crossed over his chest giving him an almost angry demeanour but his face had broken out into a huge grin that reached his eyes. “Sick! Guess I’ll be seeing you on Saturday then.” He patted Tyler on the shoulder and started making his way to the library exit before Tyler called out for him.

“Maybe we should exchange numbers, just so you get the time and stuff right?” Tyler suggested quietly and the other boy whipped his phone out as Tyler took his out.

They swapped phones and Tyler entered his number along with his name, he passed the phone back as Josh also handed his phone back to him and finally made his way out the entrance.  
A few second later his phone buzzed in his hand.

_ur cool bff: also yeah i did swap the books_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter might be in josh's point of view


	6. Week 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> halloween party time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i havent updated in like 5007859 weeks sorry ive just been enjoying my summer holidays by lying on the floor napping and trying to finish dragon age inquisition (and also trying to romance the iron bull Lord Help Me)  
> but here is the halloween chapter even tho it is the christmas month i should be asleep since i'm seeing les mis live tomorrow at the QPAC theatre (!!!!!??!!!!!!!BRO!!!!!?)

Lucky for Tyler Halloween night was a lot colder than any other night they'd had in October so far as he covered his face in paint and donned on a suit. He and Jenna had spent at least an hour in the staff break room at the library looking through all of Jenna's bookmarked pages just as she'd promise as well as a lot of the pair of them googling costume images before finally deciding on designs. Tyler didn't want to admit it but he'd been so busy working on their outfits that he'd forgotten Josh was going to be there and immediately his cheeks went bright in the mirror, he hoped no one would be able to tell after he'd finished his face paint.

Jenna was seated on Tyler's bed with a hand held mirror of her own as she slowly and deliberately patted the paint down on her skin, Tyler wasn't sure he'd ever seen her so still and precise before. The white paint that coated his face along with the shaded exaggeration of his cheek bones made him look gaunt and deathly, after he'd finished shading in the area around his eyes he was careful about the jaw and teeth. Jenna eventually came over and helped Tyler put the finishing touches on his face as she carefully shaded in parts of his face and made his painted on teeth look whiter and realistic, they were both trying to stay still despite their absolute giddiness.

"So," Jenna hummed, "you excited to see what Josh wears tonight?" she had started on touching up the hollow black around his eyes.

Tyler groaned in response although he had a small smile on his lips, "Jenna, why don't you just date him if you like him so much already?" 

"Because I'm not the one he swaps those silly books every week for attention from." Jenna giggled and Tyler's throat had gone dry.

After she had finished both of their faces they'd applied the black contacts, making it extremely difficult to differentiate between what was black face paint and what was the black of their eyes. Tyler was especially proud of their outfits, especially his suit jacket where he'd spent a night painting a spine up the back of it. He had definitely put a lot more attention into Jenna's dress however as he meticulously sewed small white beads into parts of the ruffled and layered fabric eventually making rib bones out of the beads as well as intricate small patterns along the hem of the black dress. While Tyler had opted for black skinny jeans Jenna had decided on a pair of skeleton tights that she already had stuffed in her wardrobe. Tyler couldn't help but be ridiculously proud of their team effort as he stood in front of the full length mirror was Jenna by his side.

"We look like the classiest skeletons to ever roam the earth," Jenna nudged Tyler and she did a little spin with her dress flying out around her. She had also thanked Tyler about five hundred times at this point for taking the time to decorate the dress for her and Tyler had gone beet red every time.

"We really do but we should go if we actually want anyone else to see our work," Tyler said.

Jenna nodded her head resolutely, "Smart thinking Ty, let's roll." She proceeded to link arms with him and practically skip out of the room with a surprised Tyler in tow.

///

Josh wasn't sure if he had turned up early to the Halloween party but all he was certain about what that Tyler definitely wasn't there yet and Josh definitely didn't know a single person there. His anxiety flared up slightly as he self-consciously crossed his arms across his chest, the tight binder making it slightly hard for Josh to catch his breath although it's tightness comforted him a little bit.

Looking around he found that a lot of people at the party weren't actually employees, Jenna had definitely been right when she'd told him that it was mostly just an excuse to bring all of their friends together for a party. There wasn't a single person who wasn't in a costume although some were quite lazy. As lazy as the guy wearing a cardboard sign that simply said 'NUDIST ON STRIKE' over what he assumed was normal attire he had to admire the creativity clearly at work there. Although Josh couldn't really say anything since all he had really done was glue empty cereal boxes onto his clothes and stabbed at them with forks before splattering fake blood everywhere, Josh was a simple man with simple tastes.

"Hey cereal guy, you're Josh right?" he spun around and saw someone wearing a white sheet, obviously dressed as a ghost except that they had a bra and women's underwear over the sheets. Another sheet ghost stood next to them but with boxers instead.

Josh tried to contain a snort of laughter, "uh, yeah that's me although tonight I'm just a cereal killer."

"Sick, nice pun. I'm Mark, Tyler's house mate." The bra ghost extended it's hand towards Josh and he gladly shook it, "The sexy ghost in boxers next to me is my girlfriend, Sarah." Boxer ghost waved instead of offering it's hand to Josh, he waved back with a grin.

"Tyler talks bout you so much, it's almost adorable if he didn't decide to do it at the worst times." Sarah said, she gave a laugh at the end before adding "he started ranting about your blue hair to me while I was on the toilet the other day." Mark swatted her arm playfully,

"Hey, you don't wanna embarrass Tyler in front of his boo-friend before he even arrives." Both of the ghosts were now practically cackling as Josh froze at Mark's latest remark. He had just assumed that Tyler mostly found him annoying but now he was just trying to act like someone hadn't thrown a bucket on ice on him before someone came up behind him.

"Who's been saying my name?" It was Tyler. Josh spun around to greet him but instead could only stare as he came face to face with black deep eyes and a toothy smile across his face, literally. It looked like Tyler was marble and someone had taken their time to carve out each teeth and hollow out his eyes and nose and slowly chiselled away at the cheek bones to create the creepy and eerie yet ethereal masterpiece that was Tyler and Josh just couldn't stop _staring_. He was the artwork that artists would spend their entire lives trying to create but could just never do any better than the artwork already standing before Josh.

Mark jumped in to interrupt Josh's racing thoughts however to respond to Tyler, "that would be me. We were just telling Josh all about you."

"I don't even want to know what you told him." Tyler glared at Mark but his face had a hint of humour in it although Josh couldn't be sure, Tyler's face was harder to read as a skull. Tyler turned his attention to Josh, "c'mon man we don't need to be associating with sexy ghosts in lingerie." Mark and Sarah snickered nd made ghostly sounds behind them as the pair left.

"You gotta admit though couples that dress as sexy ghosts together, stay together." Josh said and Tyler laughed in agreement.

"That's true Mr. Cereal Killer, that's definitely true." Tyler nodded his head in mock seriousness.

Josh bit his lip before managing to blurt out "You look really pretty in your costume," before clamping his mouth shut and darting his head away as fast as he could. 

A light laugh came from the boy next to him and... was Tyler flustered? Josh immediately wanted to kick himself in the face for being such a loud mouth with no self control.

"Thanks man, you should see Jenna though. We came in matching costumes and she looks _amazing_. I spent way too long on the dress." Tyler replied and Josh's face became even more flushed when he reminded himself that Tyler was probably both straight and dating Jenna.

"It's a lot warmer in here than it was outside, man I hope the paint doesn't go all weird." Tyler patted at his own face absent-mindedly and Josh had to admit that he was right, it was definitely a bit humid in here as he tugged at his shirt to try and air it out a bit.

Tyler looked over at Josh and gestured towards his shirt, "you must be dying though wearing another shirt under that one, did you want me to show you the bathroom to take it off or something?" concern filling his voice and Josh looked down to realise that his binder was peaking above his shirt collar, the stark blackness compared to his white bloody shirt becoming a sharp reminder of Josh's reality. He quickly tugged it down so it was hiding under his shirt again and shook his head.

"Nah, it's fine I'm used to the heat." Tyler shrugged although he still looked slightly worried.

"I gotta say though your costume is terrible," the skeleton boy shook his head while laughing, "I mean Cinnamon Toast Crunch is my favourite cereal asshole."

Josh huffed out a laugh as he patted the empty Cinnamon Toast Crunch box by his side, "sorry nothing is safe from me tonight."

Tyler had taken his jacket off, revealing the white formal shirt underneath and Josh saw that he had also painted a black spine up the back of the shirt. That also meant he could just faintly see the thick black bands of ink on his arm and Josh did everything in his power not to make it obvious how much he loved it.

"Let's go raid the snack table and then go outside or something, it's way to hot in here." Josh nodded in agreement, unable to respond verbally.

///

"So what made you want to become a librarian?" Josh asked as he looked over at Tyler. They had both ended up piling plates with food and grabbing a couple of drinks before heading downstairs and then outside where they were faced with a car park although Tyler led them to a nearby park. It was empty and quiet except for the shrill and distant sound of cicadas and the occasional pass of a car. Street lights faintly illuminated the playground they were at and they both somehow managed to climb up onto a platform with their food and drinks before settling down with a view facing the start of a deep thick forest. 

Tyler bit down on a doughnut before replying. "It was mostly just because Jenna was looking for someone to come work there, I never actually had any interest in being a librarian. Kinda hard to find work you enjoy though when all you have to show for years of college is a major in music and a couple of songs on the internet." He was looking over at the brush of trees, eyes wandering over the tall figures leaving large and threatening shadows on the ground before them.

"You play music? Man, that's so cool. I never really went to college, got a good job in a cafe though thanks to a friend. You should show me a song sometime or even now if you want," Josh grinned immensely, "I can provide the drumming for you." He tapped at the floor of the platform a few times before chuckling.

Tyler ducked his head forward out of sheer embarrassment "Another time, I promise. I'd just feel kind of weird doing it without an instrument."

Josh nodded his head, "Don't worry, any time you're ready."

The two were happy to sit in silence with their mountains of snacks, it was a peaceful kind of silence. Tyler was engrossed with the trees again and Josh snuck a look at him. The pit of his stomach was warm and funny as he looked at the other boy, decked out in his skeleton face paint, eyes still dark and endless pits that made Josh shiver whenever Tyler looked him in the eyes. He would have been happy to sit there in the dark playground forever with Tyler to sit next to, Josh felt more content than he'd felt in a long time. He sighed and leaned back on the poles behind the pair, stuffing his mouth with a brownie. Tyler interrupted the silence.

"Do you ever wonder if there's actually anyone out there who's happy with their life? Like 110% truly happy with it. There probably are but it's so hard to imagine isn't it, people walking around without anything to stress them out or constantly weight them down," Josh instantly felt the weight of his binder grow heavier, "it just makes me wonder." Tyler had mumbled out the last part as he traced the patterns that were on the ground.

"I'm not sure if there are people like that, I mean you're right that it's hard to imagine anyone without any burdens or stress but a lot of people I've met who seemed like that are usually struggling just as much as the rest of us are. Can't have glory without some gore too." Josh replied and Tyler hummed, still looking at the patterns.

"What brought on this deep mood anyway?" Josh smiled and nudged Tyler's shoulder with the cereal box on his own shoulder. 

"Shush, Josh. It's dark and cold and we're in an empty park I can be as deep and vague as I want," Tyler stated matter of factly and Josh raised his hands in surrender.

"Alright man, you do you." He laughed slightly and Tyler managed to crack a grin.

"So does this mean we're friends now and you're not gonna attack me with brooms anymore?" Josh's question earned him a snort from Tyler.

"You wish buddy, touch those books again and you gotta catch these hands." Tyler lifted his hands up in a fighting pose and Josh feigned a look of fear at the sight of Tyler's dainty wrists and pale knuckles.

They spent at least another hour talking and somehow managed to finish off their drinks and snacks and by the end of it Josh knew he was in deep trouble after he realised he had nearly tried to hold Tyler's hand on the walk back to the library. He groaned internally and wondered why any kind of god would put him in such a situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's 3 am and i have an appointment in 6 hours what have i done


	7. Week 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Thank you," Tyler mumbled into his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to frey for giving me the energy to get out of bed and do something productive today

Working in a cafe with his house mate's boyfriend was definitely not always the best thing Josh could think of. Having one of his coworkers privy to a lot of things in Josh's life because of Brendon's big mouth always meant for Ryan prying into things nosily without meaning to. Josh liked them, he did. They were genuinely nice people and he liked Ryan the best out of all of his coworkers and Brendon was practically a childhood friend, supporting him through is entire transition for which Josh was forever grateful for. If anything Josh probably wouldn't even have a social life let alone a job without the pair of them so really he'd be in bed all day every day if it weren't the annoyingly cute couple. But today Ryan had decided it was time to poke and prod him about Tyler and Josh's horribly pitiful crush on him for which Josh was _not_ grateful for.

"So," Ryan started, "how's your librarian friend been?" 

Josh, working his way through cleaning recently vacated tables, turned around to glare at the shorter man behind the counter. Ryan gave him a knowing grin while he leaned his chin on his hand with his elbow on the counter surface. 

"What has Brendon been saying to you?"

Ryan waved his hand dismissively. "Not much, just that it's like living with a lovesick puppy now." he said and Josh frowned.

"That's rich coming from the pair of the most lovesick idiots I've ever seen," Josh replied and threw the cloth he was using to clean towards Ryan's direction. "Anyway I'm not sure how he's been, he stopped texting me a couple of days ago." The anxiety that laced Josh's words were enough to make Ryan forgive him for the cloth to the face and he stood up away from the counter and crossed his arms.

"He's probably sick or lost his phone or something man, I don't see how it could be anything personal." Ryan offered him a consoling smile and chucked the cloth back to Josh who grabbed it before leaning against one of the tables.

 _He could have realised I was wearing a binder rather than an undershirt and decided to break contact_ Josh wanted to say but he didn't want Ryan getting concerned and telling Brendon so instead he just stuck with mumbling "I don't know, I'm just a little bit worried about him."

Ryan didn't reply at first, tapping his fingers against the granite counter as the gears in his brain turned. 

"Maybe you should go to the library, see if he's there or if he really is just sick or something like that," Ryan said. He glanced around the cafe, there were only a couple of patrons there. One man working on something furiously on his laptop and a pair of women snacking on the cafe's sandwiches just outside. "You could go now if you want, there's really no need for the both of us to be here." 

Josh started making his way to the counter Ryan was standing behind. "Really dude? You're a lifesaver honestly, I owe you." Josh told him with a huge grin on his face as he took off his apron and handed it to Ryan.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm only doing this because I'm scared your luscious blue locks will fall out from stress any moment now." Ryan shooed him off with his free hand, the other still holding Josh's apron. 

Josh left with a couple more thank yous sent Ryan's way before he left the quiet cafe and made his way to the nearest bus stop. Since he didn't own a car Josh had grown accustomed to the bus and train schedules and silently thanked Ryan again as he realised the bus that included the library in it's route was only a couple of minutes away from the bus stop. He had yet to mention to anyone that he had pretty much memorised every bus route that was near the library.

As soon as Josh arrived to the local library, which was technically also a community centre, he made his way up and came face to face with Jenna who he was sure he had accidentally spooked but she didn't mention anything of it. 

"Josh, hey! You're not here to be a troublemaker again are you?" Jenna waggled her finger at him with a laugh as she sorted out a pile of books from the return box onto a trolley.

He shook his head in response, "I was actually just wondering if Tyler was alright, he hasn't responded to me in a couple of days."

Jenna suddenly became serious, her eyebrows knitted in worry. "He hasn't been here all week, Mark has actually been calling in sick for him which I thought was kind of weird. He hasn't been responding to my messages either or Patrick's and Mark didn't want to tell me what was wrong." She bit her lip as she picked up another book and looked away from Josh.

"Do you have his address then?" Josh asked sounding quite desperate, if Tyler was sick then he definitely had a weird way of going about it. Jenna looked back up at him and smiled at him.

"Yeah, give me your phone I'll put it in a note." Josh unlocked his phone and gave it to her.

She handed it back to him and gave him the same knowing smile that Ryan had earlier without saying anything, Josh simply thanked her and left the library to make for another bus stop. Josh's public transport budget for the week definitely did not involve going around the city for Tyler, he mumbled an apology for the wallet sitting in his back pocket.

Josh's legs wouldn't stop bouncing as he sat on the near empty bus anxiously, tapping his fingers against the seat in front of him. He was worried about Tyler but he missed him too weirdly, their texting had become more frequent as the pair become better friends and Josh had come to look forward to Tyler's complaints about library patrons to cheer him up after terrible customers at the cafe and Tyler's adorable and unironic use of the ':D' emoji whenever Mark or Sarah came home with food. There had even started being late night calls where Josh would play his drums for him quietly and Tyler would whisper about how he was being confined to his room as his house mates were busy being a couple in their kitchen and make tiny noises of disgust while Josh would hang his head solemnly and promise to pray for Tyler with mock sympathy.

Josh hadn't expected Tyler to live in the suburbs, a plain brick-walled house advertising Tyler's street number. There were well kept flowers and shrubs across the lawn and Josh remembered being told that Sarah liked to garden to attract bees, apparently she had cried when she found out how endangered they were becoming and went out to buy a car full of flowers and Mark came with her to make sure she didn't buy out the entire plant nursery. 

He knocked on the front door and waited for a minute, there was no answer. He tried again. "Tyler?" No answer.

Trying the door knob he realised it was unlocked and cautiously entered the household, making his presence known with another call out to Tyler. It was silent as he walked through the house, passing what he assumed with the lounge room and kitchen. He entered a hall where the bedrooms and bathrooms most likely were and slowly opened the first door on his right, it was Sarah and Mark's bedroom. He kept walking down to the other door on the right side and knocked on it hesitantly and opened it despite there being no answer.

It was ridiculously dark in the room compared to the rest of the house and Josh looked around noticing a keyboard in the corner, there was a bookshelf next to it that was stuffed with various books. More books surrounded the shelf and the bed in the room as they all piled up with some holding half empty glasses of water on top of them or being hidden by clothing. Looking at the bed Josh noticed a figure lying underneath the cover and took a step towards it. 

"Hey Tyler," Josh whispered as he slowly sat down at the edge of the bed. A head came out of the blanket and Tyler looked over at him, eyes empty and tired surrounded by almost as much darkness as there had been on Halloween night. He made no attempt to talk however and Josh noticed hues of white along the sides of his face as he realised it was leftover make up from his skeleton costume from a few days ago indicating that he hadn't done much besides lie in bed and heavy sympathy grew in his gut.

"You know, being a rule breaker isn't as fun when you're not there to chase me with brooms." Josh teased lightly and Tyler's expression didn't change at all.

"Sorry," he croaked before wincing at the sound of his own voice and tried to bury himself back under the blanket again. Josh knew Tyler was definitely sick, it just wasn't his immune system that needed help.

He looked down at the eerily quiet lump of blanket on the bed before getting up and moving closer. "C'mon, scooch over man." Josh slowly pulled the blanket away and Tyler looked up at him.

"Why?"

"Because doofus, I'm getting in. This always helps me when I can't seem to do much either." Josh fondly remembered the times when Brendon or even both Brendon and Ryan would pile onto the sofa with Josh and blankets in the middle of the couple and a pile of cheesy horror movies for Josh on those days where he couldn't seem to function. 

Tyler sighed and backed away towards the left side so that Josh could crawl in after taking his shoes off.

Josh laid on his side so that he was facing Tyler who still wasn't doing much and Josh pouted. 

"You gotta get closer bro or this won't work." Josh nudged Tyler's arm with a grin and slight hint of a smile played on Tyler's features as he listened to Josh and moved in so he was in closer proximity to the blue haired man. 

Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler's middle and let him bury in face into Josh's chest, any anxieties about his binded down chest were quickly forgotten as he felt Tyler return the hug.

"Did you know that if there were aliens 65 million light years away from us and they looked at us through a telescope they would actually see dinosaurs." Josh stated matter-of-factly, "Napoleon also claimed that he was abducted by aliens and a microchip was even found in his skull." Josh had started playing with Tyler's hair which was growing out longer than he'd ever seen it before.

A huff of airy laughter came from Tyler and Josh could feel the warm puff of air on his chest.

"There's also been over twenty thousand people who are insured in case of alien abduction and alien pregnancy, there's a few fire fighters who are actually trained in how to treat aliens and even on how to help injured aliens too."

"Loser." Tyler's voice was muffled but Josh could hear the tone of amusement and grinned to himself.

"Just giving you the fun facts about alien life, buddy." 

"Thank you," Tyler mumbled into his chest. "For this, not for your conspiracy theories about alien insurance and historical figures with alien microchips." 

Josh chuckled. "Anything for you, Ty-guy."


	8. Week 8

Josh had eventually been able to convince Tyler out of bed and into the bathroom after continuous of chants of 'do it for the vine' and Josh's best attempt at puppy eyes. He'd snuck off after he'd heard Tyler turn the shower on and somehow managed to find the household toaster along with half a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter (crunchy obviously) and decided to make the both of them breakfast at two in the afternoon. 

There was a deep pit that showed up in his stomach every time he thought about how empty and _dead_ Tyler had looked in his bed, which was also accompanied by the overwhelming urge to snuggle the taller boy in blankets and comfort food until there was no room for his depression to stay. He tried to push that urge away.The least Josh could do was cook him food and stay with him until he felt better.

Somehow managing to hold a pair of plates and cups in his arms, Josh made his way back to Tyler's room where he made the bed before sprawling over it and leaning over the edge to pluck a random book from the bedroom floor. _Twitterature: The World's Greatest Books Retold Through Twitter_. He couldn't help but laugh at Tyler's adorably ridiculous taste in novels.

"Hey, Josh?" Tyler yelled through the bathroom door, grabbing the other boy's attention.

"Yeah, what's up man?"

There was a pause before Tyler asked if he could get a towel from the laundry room, Josh did and left the towel in front of the door for Tyler to grab while his back was turned. He eventually came out dressed plainly in black with the now damp towel bundled up in his arms which were exposed and gave Josh an unhindered view of the dark tattoos. He was grateful that Tyler didn't seem to notice the staring.

Josh sat back down on the bed with his legs crossed as he picked the book back up, he needed to see what classic was going to be sent through the shredder next. 

There was a soft slump made into the bed as Tyler took his spot next to him, glancing over to see what he was skimming. 

"Shoo, I gotta see how Hamlet ends." Josh used one of his hands in an attempt to pat Tyler away while keeping his eyes on the page as the boy next to him snorted in laughter.

"Don't worry about it, Hamlet fucks up and Fortinbras swoops in and saves the day."

Josh squinted down at the book, "How do fourteen bras save the day?" he asked earning himself a soft punch in the arm.

"You loser," Tyler mumbled. "Did you make food?"

Putting down the novel, Josh picked up Tyler's plate of now semi-warm toast and handed it to him after putting his own in his lap.

"Yeah, I'm no chef but I thought you could do with some food." He nudged Tyler lightly and a took a bite out of his peanut butter covered toast and realised he had burnt it slightly. He kept eating despite that.

Tyler didn't respond as he quietly chewed his food, keeping his gaze down at the literature covered floor. Josh frowned.

"Man, you don't have to be embarrassed or whatever from earlier. It happens to the best of us," he said before taking his biggest bite yet and feeling the peanuts crunch under his teeth.

Tyler still didn't respond, nor did he give any indications that he'd heard Josh. 

"Do you think I could borrow the book?" Josh eventually asked as he lifted up the _Twitterature_ novel.

Tyler nodded and they went back to eating in a comfortable silence.

///

After a poor excuse and a promise to make up for his lost hours Tyler was back to his usual routine of working at the library. He would be lying if he had tried to say that his latest low moods had definitely left him feeling petty and even slightly mad at himself. _You're better than this_ he had tried to tell himself but he found it hard to believe much of what he said lately. Being back at the library and methodically sorting out books had been oddly comforting for him however as he got to spend hours concentrating on something that wasn't himself for once however that also meant he struggled not to concentrate on Josh too. He'd started sending Tyler reminders every morning to take medication and to have a big breakfast that would have been infuriatingly condescending if they had been from anyone besides Josh, he spoke with a tone that made Tyler believe that Josh knew exactly what it was like being in the position he was. Josh _should_ have been infuriating to Tyler with his brightly coloured hair and little smirk whenever he knew he'd annoyed Tyler and the way he could sprint out of the library and away from the terror of Tyler's broom but he wasn't and that confused Tyler.

"Tyler! It's time for your break," Jenna's head peaked out from behind. Tyler nearly jumped in shock but managed to compose himself quickly and make his way to the break room.

If Jenna had known anything was up with Tyler she definitely hadn't tried to make it obvious.

Tyler nearly walked straight back out of the break room when he realised that Patrick was there, it had seemed that he was even more eager than Jenna to know what was the deal between Tyler and Josh.

In fact when he saw Patrick start to stand up and make his way towards Tyler in an attempt to ambush him, Tyler spun around on his hell and left the staff room along with the loud complaints being made by the blonde haired boy. He opted to spend his break reading in the non-fiction area instead, at this time of day it was usually quite empty and he hoped he could even sneak in a nap if no one could find him. 

Grabbing his book for the week out from his bag behind the check out counter Tyler quietly found a beanbag to veg out in away from any prying eyes. 

He couldn't help but let his eyes wander over to where Josh was usually to be found in the non-fiction section, swapping his alien novels with random history books except this time Josh was actually there. It took Tyler a good minute to remove himself from the beanbag that seemed to be trying to drown him but before long he had jumped out and was making his way to the Blue haired Menace. 

"Hey asshole! You know it's my break right now, shoo!" Josh turned around, startled before scrambling up. "You're just being sneaky right now!" Tyler continued to yell.

He started flapping his hands in the vague direction of where Josh stood in an attempt to usher him out except the only person who seemed to be moving was Tyler.

"Cooking me food doesn't mean you get to keep trying to prove to everyone that aliens are real in my library," Tyler huffed before moving onto pushing Josh on his shoulder who seemed to just be staring at Tyler. 

Tyler was about to ask him if he had something on his face before Josh finally moved. Except that he moved the opposite way Tyler wanted him to go, towards him. He squished his eyes shut just as Josh placed a peck on his mouth with his lips, it had barely lasted a second but already Tyler's face was flaring with heat. He opened his eyes to find the backside of Josh as he had begun his weekly ritual of sprinting out of the building away from a broom wielding Tyler. But this time Tyler couldn't move, he wondered for a second if his feet had somehow turned into stone as he slowly processed what had happened. What Josh had made happen.

He _kissed_ him. He _kissed_ Tyler. He was still staring at the door Josh had ran out of even when Jenna was clearly in his line of sight and jumping giddily. Tyler's stomach felt like that too.


	9. Week ??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy 2016 im so lazy But here it finally is ive done nothing today except watch its always sunny in philly and steven universe why am i so tired im 17 in 10 days what the fuck
> 
> warning for a lowkey panic/anxiety attack i guess? sorry this fic is mostly just a way for my to vent idk im tired good night

Tyler hadn't seen Josh in weeks.

While he was sure that everyone around him had noticed by now no one had said anything about it, giving him sympathetic looks and pats on the back instead. He kind of hated how much he missed Josh and the number of texts he had sent him before deeming the number too pathetic and giving up, six was the precise answer. With no way to find Josh he had given up on seeing the alien conspirator again and not having to guard the non-fiction section any more didn't make Tyler as happy as he thought he would have been. Tyler resorted to burying himself in reading material and picking up slack around the library which usually just meant wandering around in his free time and sorting misplaced books much to Jenna's annoyance. Today's book of the day was _The Martian ___which Tyler found very relatable since he too fucked up a lot and hated potatoes, the perfect read Tyler found.

Jenna, who was rolling across the library in her office chair, came to a squeaky stop as she passed Tyler and looked at him with a huff.

"Tyler, the patrons of the library have asked me to kindly tell you to leave as you have been here for so long they're scared you might just be a hyper realistic statue. I too share their concerns that I may indeed be best friends with an object." Jenna poked his cheek with a biro pen.

When he didn't even look up from his novel Jenna crossed her arms over the table and regarded him with the same pitiful look everyone had been giving him that week.

"We need to talk about this, Ty."

"I can't, Watney just blew up his house." Tyler didn't look up from the book.

"Ok, as interesting that book sounds and as much as I want to ask about it we need to talk about Josh," Jenna said.

With a sigh Tyler set his book down while still refusing to meet Jenna's eyes. "What's there to talk about?" he replied.

"I know you, you're probably finding some absurd way to blame yourself and tell yourself that it was something you did not him. Don't give me that look Tyler I know what you're thinking." Jenna took a deep breath and gently picked up Tyler's hand. "You are wonderful and weird and I love you and I know that whatever is going through Josh's head right now it's not because of anything you did unless he somehow blames you for being too cute."

Tyler nodded glumly before having his cheeks squished together by his best friend.

"Good! Now come on, we're getting out of this god awful place this afternoon. Put the book down Tyler."

//

"Josh, again?!"

He winced as Ryan's voice resonated across the cafe, shattered plates and food sat scattered around his feet as patrons stared at the mess. _Third time this fortnight ___Josh thought as he excused himself to grab a broom.

Josh pushed the overwhelming urge to lie on the floor and give up while he went around the counter and Ryan shook his head before telling him he'd clean it up, his face burned as he tried to blink away embarrassed hot tears. Josh's anxiety had been running overtime for a while now and to him everything seemed overwhelming and confronting at this point. He'd only come into work today because he was the only one who could make it besides Ryan. Making a point not to look at Ryan cleaning up his mess he gingerly took off the apron and left for the bathroom, sitting on the dirty floor with his head between his knees was definitely what Josh needed at that moment. He'd gotten used to being able to talk to Tyler over the past two months they'd known each other for and the librarian was ridiculously good at calming him down and giving him a welcome distraction. Now it took everything in his power not to take his binder off to let himself breathe better, each passing breath seeming to constrict his chest more.

Locking the toilet door he sat against it and clenched his jaw, _you don't have any reason to cry when other people are cleaning up messes for you ___. He cursed himself with a shaky breath however as the first tears finally started making their way down his face. His vision was blurred but he didn't care as he looked down and stare at his fists, shaking slightly in the terrible lighting. He didn't know what to do, how to stop this. He didn't want to get up and finish his shift or get up ever again for that matter. He didn't want to see Ryan and his pitying expression or hear hushed whispers of him and Brendon talking about Josh and how much worse he was getting. He didn't want to try to talk to Tyler again and be rejected or dismissed and he definitely did not want to come out to him and lose his friend. Josh buried his face in his hands as he began losing control over his thoughts, flooding, rushing and overwhelming him in a matter of minutes.

There was a light knock on the door that still managed to make Josh jump and he moved away from the door. 

"Hey, man." It was Ryan. "I'm going to unlock the door and come in but knock on the door if you don't want me to." Josh didn't make any effort to move besides his involuntary shaking. 

There was the sound of the door unlocking and Ryan entered the small bathroom before locking the door behind himself and sitting next to Josh.

"Sorry for yelling back there," Ryan said earning himself a shrug from Josh.

Ryan tried again, "Brendon told me you stopped talking to Tyler."

"Yeah," Josh managed to croak out, he looked down at his hands and started picking at a cuticle.

"Can I ask what happened?"

"...I kissed him," Josh mumbled and scrubbed his face with the heel of his hand. 

"Did Tyler react badly?" Ryan's voice was low and soothing, calming Josh out of his panic attack and he began to found his voice more.

"No, I didn't really give him time to react actually."

Ryan frowned at that, "Have you spoken to him at all since then?"

Josh shook his head and buried it back into his hands, he knew he was being a complete asshole leaving Tyler hanging like that but he couldn't bring himself to do anything about it. There was another knock on the door, this time it was louder.

"What are you assholes doing in the toilet?" Brendon called out and Ryan gave an apologetic shrug.

"I had to call someone to come look after the cafe while I talked to you."

"Damn right you did babe, now tell Josh he's being a butthead and he needs to talk to Tyler." Brendon's voice was loud and self-assured, the complete opposite of how Josh felt at that moment.

Ryan nudged his shoulder, "He's got a point, it's not fair on Tyler to do this to him no matter how you feel."

"I know, it's jus-just, he's too good to be true. I don't want to fuck it up and I especially don't want him to find out about me." Josh looked adamantly at his feet and heard both Ryan and Brendon sigh at the same time.

"Josh, he sounds like he'd care more about you doing your stupid book swapping shit again than about that. And if he doesn't then he's an asshole and I'll go kick his ass," Brendon replied while Ryan shook his head at the second sentence. 

"We're not kicking anyone's ass, talk to him Josh."

Josh breathed in deeply before slowly standing up with Ryan, he was left alone to wash his face and scrub his bright red eyes. _Do it for Tyler, he deserves that at least ___. He'd resolved that he'd text Tyler after his shift, he needed to talk to him in person.

Leaving the bathroom he made his way back into the cafe where Ryan had gone back to taking orders and Brendon had joined him behind the counter, helping with drinks. Josh smiled a little looking at his two best friends and was immeasurably happy that they'd found each other. 

The person who was giving Ryan their order turned to look in Josh's direction and he nearly tripped over his feet as he realised it was Jenna. 

"Jenna?" he asked quietly, she had started to make her way over to him and his feet felt like concrete. 

"Joshua!" she said. She was glaring until she saw the bloodshot eyes and red nose and softened up slightly, "Joshua." 

Josh could see Ryan and Brendon staring in the background, confused and slightly concerned but they didn't interfere.

"Where's Tyler?" Josh managed to say and Jenna cocked her head in surprise.

"He's waiting in the car, I was just getting us coffee. Are you going to go talk to him?"

Josh looked at his feet, "Yeah, I should."

"You should," Jenna agreed.

She went back to finish ordering and Josh was left to stumble outside into the cold to look for Jenna's car. He spotted it, a moderately nice green suzuki, and with it a moping Tyler in the passenger seat. 

Tyler didn't see Josh coming until he opened the driver's door and stared at him with big round cat-like eyes which managed to unnerve Josh immediately. 

"Hi."

Tyler didn't respond as he continued to stare.

"Sorry. For everything," Josh muttered and Tyler seemed to shake himself out of his shocked stare.

"Sorry for kissing me and then not talking to me for nearly a month straight you mean?" Josh flinched at the bluntness of the words but he know Tyler was right.

"Yeah, I'm a giant asshole." Tyler rolled his eyes.

"No you're not but you're not forgiven that easily." 

Josh could only nod as a response and Tyler shifted in his seat to face him better.

"Can you at least explain to me what you're feeling?" Tyler asked as he brought one of his knees up to his chest and left the other where it was, he proceeded to rest his chin on the knee.

Josh thought carefully for a moment. "I'm scared," he replied. "I don't want to lose you, especially not as a friend."

"Is that all?" Tyler said sounding a little sceptical, Josh shook his head.

"I, uh, I don't know how to talk about it out loud. I haven't had to do that in a while." 

Tyler nudged him with his foot, "you can text it?"

"Y-Yeah, good point." Josh's hands had begun shaking again as he grabbed his phone out of his pocket and with a frown Tyler reached his own hands out to still them. Josh mumbled a whispered thank you before unlocking his phone. He still didn't know how to say it through text but Tyler seemed to be patient with it.

He'd decided to just send Tyler a link to the wiki page of the definition for transgender after five minutes of poor attempts to write out something and with shaking hands sent the text to the boy sitting next to him.

Tyler's phone vibrated as it received the message and he gave Josh a reassuring smile before picking up his phone and looking at the message. It felt like an entire eternity had passed as Josh looked straight at the floor of the car while Tyler looked down at his phone. He hadn't had to do this since he'd come out to Ryan a few years back, he bit back a smile when he remembered that he'd been even more of a nervous wreck terrified of what his best friend's boyfriend would think. 

He was jolted out his thoughts when Tyler grabbed his hand again and he found it too daunting to look Tyler in the face so he settled on staring at their hands until Tyler moved his hands to Josh's back as he tried to hug him as best as he could in the cramped car. Josh returned the hug, wrapping his arms around Tyler's baggy hoodie. He didn't want to move but eventually the embrace ended and Josh found himself looking Tyler in the eyes.

"If you're gonna come out then I guess I may as well too," Tyler said. "I'm, uh, what's the word? I'm kind of mostly repulsed by sex."

"Asexual?" Josh supplied and Tyler and nodded.

"That's it! Also I'm gay."

Josh snorted, "what a surprise. Me too, mostly."

Tyler laughed with him and the tense atmosphere seemed to melt out of the car. 

"Thanks for telling me though, I know you seemed kind of scared to." 

"Thanks for being cool about it, I was kind of scared actually." 

"I still don't totally forgive you for ruining my life for two months and then disappearing after _kissing ___me," Tyler stated. "But maybe we could try again with that kiss?"

Josh's face broke out in a giant grin, "Maybe not when our best friends are watching." He pointed towards Jenna, Brendon and Ryan behind Tyler who had started cheering when they realised they had been spotted. "But I'd like that." 


	10. 1 Month Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what the hell its finished!!! as usual im very tired i hope u enjoy this final chapter im gonna go collapse in bed and sleep forever

"Merry Christmas!"

There was a groan next to Josh accompanied by a shift of the warm body wrapped around him, he didn't need to open his eyes to tell that it was Jenna in his room and Tyler in his bed. Burying his face deeper into the pillow he reached out for Tyler and wrapped his arms around his ridiculously cosy boyfriend.

"Come on, it's time for presents!" She ripped the blanket off the two boys causing an eruption of yelling and thrashing as they both became exposed to the biting morning chill and huddled together for warmth. Josh could hear Jenna snort in laughter and mentally cursed her as he refused to open his eyes still. 

"Did you not manage to get the love birds out of bed?" Ryan's voice appeared and before Josh could react he felt a pair of hands grasp his feet, he opened his eyes to find Jenna attempting to drag him out of bed.

Tyler, realising what was going on, clutched to Josh and refused to let Jenna move him until Ryan grabbed his feet too and suddenly the couple were both being pulled away from their warm bed.

"Aaardggh!" Tyler yelled unintelligibly as Ryan succeeded in pulling him off the bed and onto the floor with Josh following soon afterwards. Eventually standing up Josh glared at Jenna who simply gave him a laugh and left the room; Ryan helped pull Tyler off the floor and offered a half-hearted apology while he grinned much to Tyler's disdain.

Feeling Tyler immediately lean on Josh in his sleepy state he pulled him in for a crushing hug and landed a small kiss on Tyler's forehead. "Good morning," Josh mumbled.

"It's not good until I have coffee," Tyler managed to say before stepping away and grabbing Josh's hand clumsily. "Presents first however."

"Of course," Josh said and he followed his boyfriend out into the lounge room. He still couldn't help but smile to himself whenever he thought of Tyler as his boyfriend, this adorable and wonderful person standing in front of him. Even in Tyler's half asleep state with his hair sticking up in every direction and a ratty old sweatshirt from his alma mater Josh still felt butterflies jump into action in his gut every time Tyler even glanced at him.

This year for Christmas most of their friends has agreed to spend the holiday together with Josh and Brendon volunteering their house for the occasion. Josh and his friends usually did this however this year was even more crowded as Tyler and his friends were invited to join the festivities and Mark had said that he could put up with Tyler and Josh being romantic long enough for Christmas food. The lounge room was still covered in blow up mattresses and blankets and most of the people who had slept there on Christmas Eve had staked their sleeping spot as their place to sit for the presents while everyone else either sat on the sofa or found a spare space on the beds. The Christmas tree this year was wildly decorated with tinsel and candy canes and baubles along with a pair of underpants that someone had anonymously and graciously left on the tree. Underneath the presents sprawled out, creating mountains and valleys of cheesy wrapping paper in the room and Brendon stood next to the presents shirtless with his hands on his hips and a santa hat on his head.

"Gather around children, I am the officially appointed present giver this year!" Brendon called out to the room acting as if he didn't take up this role every year.

Josh and Tyler squished themselves onto the couch in between a sleepy Mark and one of Brendon's close friends Pete, when Tyler had seen him at the Urie-Dun residence on Christmas Eve they both cheered and clapped each other on the back. Tyler later admitted that Pete's boyfriend worked a the library with him. 

"Think you can manage to stay awake long enough for the presents?" Josh asked as Tyler covered his mouth as a yawn escaped.

"Josh you could deprive me of sleep for the entire year until Christmas and I would still sit through opening presents."

"Fair enough," Josh said with a grin. As Christmas had approached this month Josh had watched his boyfriend get progressively more festive and cheerful as he enthusiastically decorated the library with Jenna and indulged in holiday themed drinks at their local Starbucks. He had also lost track at the amount of different Christmas sweaters he had seen Tyler wear, Jenna told him that she was sure that she even remembered some of the sweaters from when she and Tyler were still teenagers even.

Ryan came back into the lounge room with the final stragglers who had an even harder time than Josh and Tyler in getting out of bed and as everyone got comfortable Ryan went to go steal his boyfriend's santa hat. He failed however as Brendon pulled him into a kiss and any plans of theft were forgotten as Ryan wrapped his arms around the taller of the couple until pillows had started being thrown at them.

"Alright," Brendon started, "the order of present giving will be completely random as usual. Save any and all complaints that you may have and stick them up your ass, everyone is getting presents." An eruption of cheering came from the crowded room at the mentions of gifts.

Brendon bent down and grabbed the nearest present before reading the tag, "Jenna gets the lucky first gift!" he announced as the small box was passed along to her. She was sitting wedged between Haley and Sarah on the inflatable beds and whooped when she heard her name called out. 

The present was from Tyler and he grinned sheepishly as she ripped the wrapping paper open and her favourite perfume along with a Starbucks voucher and a book that Josh remembered being Tyler's favourite fell into her lap. The book looked worn out and well loved meaning that he had given his best friend his personal copy.

"Tyler you big nerd! Thank you, I love you," Jenna blew him a kiss, not wanting to get up out of her comfortable spot and immediately opened the perfume box so that Sarah could smell it.

"You gave her your own copy?" Josh asked with a warm laugh and kissed Tyler on the cheek.

"I hope she lets me use the gift card," Tyler mumbled, he had started blushing without realising after Josh's small kiss.

Brendon had carried on with his duties and Pete was handed a present that was marked to be from gift giver himself, he regarded it with high suspicion as everyone did with presents from Brendon.

"Open it!" Brendon cheered and Pete complied finding multiple boxes of condoms and strawberry flavoured lube that he proceeded to peg at Brendon's head.

"Dick!" Pete shouted.

Ryan shielded his eyes from Brendon with his hand, pretending as though he had no idea who the shirtless deviant gifting their friends sexual presents was. He still looked as if he was trying to stifle a laugh however.

The cycle of Brendon handing out gifts continued and eventually Tyler had decided that coffee was needed immediately if he was to continue to be a functioning human and Mark had somehow managed to place reindeer antlers atop of Josh's messy and now light green hair.

Torn gift wrapping had started staking territory all over the room slowly as the morning progressed and everyone had started accumulating their own piles of presents. Everyone except for Josh. Brendon was around three quarters of the way through all of the gifts and Josh had yet to receive one with his name on it, he didn't want to point it out however especially since no one else found it strange. His anxiety was starting to nibble at him slightly but with every glance from Tyler he forgot about it for a moment.

Eventually Brendon called out Tyler's name and a wrapped box was handed to him, it was ridiculously large and signed from Josh. Tyler had to put his coffee down on the floor amongst the wrapping paper.

"What on earth did you do Josh?" Tyler murmered as he held the box in his lap, it was nearly taller than him.

Ripping open the paper however Tyler came face-to-face with the box of Mac computer, the sleek and minimalistic design on the front of the box. Tyler knitted his eyebrows in both surprise and confusion, mostly confusion however since the box was clearly not heavy enough for what was advertised to be inside of it.

"Open it," was all Josh said.

Tyler did and a CD slid out it landing in his hand. All that was written on the disc was 'twenty one pilots' in Josh's horrendous handwriting but Tyler looked at it as if it was worth more than everything in the room combined. Josh nudged his shoulder with his own, his heart beating in his ears as he nervously waited for Tyler's reaction.

"You were serious about this band thing?" Tyler mumbled.

"Y-Yeah, of course," Josh replied. "Were you not? It's ok if-"

Tyler cut him off with a kissed pressed to his lips, it tasted like the bitter black coffee that Tyler was drinking but Josh didn't mind at all.

"I can't wait to listen to it." Tyler gave him a small meek smile, a genuine and heartfelt expression that left Josh's mouth dry.

"Gay!" Brendon shouted from across the room and Jenna chucked a pillow in his direction.

"You ruined the moment! They were having such a cute moment!" 

"There's nothing in this room that's cuter than me Jenna," Brendon said with a shit eating grin. "Anyway! Now that all of the presents have been handed out there's one last thing."

He reached around to the back of the tree and pulled out an envelope, it simply had Josh's name on it.

"Don't think we forgot about you buddy," Brendon said. "We were just saving your gift for lucky last."

Josh was wildly confused at the fact that his only present was a card but Tyler gave him a reassuring smile as the envelope was passed down to him. He didn't know what to say, did everyone plan this? Why was this his only present? The envelope was red and held his name in neat black writing, it looked like Ryan's. He was the only one out of their entire friend group who really had writing that resembled anything legible and nice. Josh's hands were shaking and he didn't know why.

"It's from all of us," Jenna said gently from the floor and Tyler patted his shaking hand as he slowly opened his gift. 

The card was extremely festive and cheesy and when Josh opened it a check fell into his lap. The card was overflowing with writing, messages from everyone for Josh in different handwriting and ink all bearing Christmas wishes and the signatures of his friends. He picked up the check and felt his stomach fall through his ass. _I can't take this much money. ___

"This. This is too much, what's going on?" Josh managed to say as he looked around at his friends, they were all grinning at him, every single one.

"Brendon told me that you had a savings account set up for your top surgery," Tyler told him gently as he picked up one of Josh's shaking hands. "You'd have enough with this and the money in your account."

Josh couldn't say anything, instead he kept opening his mouth and then closing it for a lack of words as though he were imitating a fish. What was he supposed to say? All of his feelings were clashing together right now and making a mess of his insides, he felt like he'd just been given a bucket of cold water over the head for his present instead.

"You finally have enough money dude," Brendon said, interrupting the silence, Josh felt his eyes burning and tried to will himself not to cry.

"Merry Christmas Josh!" Haley called out and a string of encouragements came from his friends following Haley's and Josh couldn't help but let a few tears slip.

"I- What the fuck?" Josh whispered and he could feel Tyler's airy laugh on his ear.

"That's a good 'what the fuck' right?" His boyfriend asked wrapping an arm around the back of Josh's shoulders.

All he could do was nod furiously and slowly he started grinning like an idiot, he'd never smiled so hard before. He'd wanted this for _years_ and now thanks to his friends it actually felt possible, it didn't feel like some bitter far off dream any more. He couldn't stop crying.

"What do I even say to this?" Josh said.

"Thank you my wonderful and wildly beautiful friends, especially you Brendon you're the most beautiful in the room and I love you the most," Brendon supplied and Josh burst out laughing.

"We felt like this was the best present we could get you compared to anything else," Tyler said.

"It is," Josh had started nodding again. "It is, it really is. I don't know how to stop bawling like a baby now, look at what you've all done to me."

Tyler wrapped his other arm around Josh too and brought him into a tight hug, his boyfriend was definitely crying onto his sweater now but Tyler couldn't care less, he didn't want to let him go. He was so happy for Josh, so happy that he was spending Christmas with him, so happy to be with him all at. Josh had spoken to him before about the possibility and about his need for top surgery, he'd always spoken about it self consciously and as though he was talking about some dream that would never be reality, as if he were talking about growing a third arm. He'd even once confessed to Tyler, during an early morning while they were both drowsy and talking about everything languidly and quietly, that sometimes he was sure he was going to off himself before he'd be able to get the surgery. Josh spoke as though it were a necessity for him to continue and Tyler remembered clutching him tighter and not wanting to let go of his boyfriend who deserved the best and was finally going to get it.

///

Josh had spent most of the day crying on and off and hugging his friends at random intervals, everyone had lost track of the amount of times he'd thanked someone out of the blue. Eventually he and Tyler had ended up in his bedroom, sitting on the bed with the CD that Josh had made shared between them with an old portable CD player and a pair of earphones. 

The band had started as a slightly drunk idea between the two of them when Josh joked that they could just start a band with him drumming and Tyler doing the vocals and quickly it had spiralled into a serious possibility. Tyler suggested the name 'twenty one pilots' something he remembered from a play years ago. He'd gotten Josh to read the script and had told him that if they were serious about this they needed to remember to do the right thing always, even if it was more effort than anything else. 'There's always consequences to the things we do, I don't want us having our own twenty one pilots because we did what was easy and not what was right,' Tyler had said one night and Josh had told him that he was too wise for his own good and kissed him softly.

Tyler had eventually shown him an album that he'd made during his final year of high school, something he'd called 'No Phun Intended' and made Josh promise not to listen to it until Tyler had gone home. He'd been too embarrassed to listen to it with his boyfriend and blushed until he was bright red the next day when he was peppered with kisses and had been repeatedly told that Josh had never heard of anyone write words as powerful and as raw as Tyler did.

Slowly and surely the pair had found Tyler's words turn into songs that they could call their own and Josh had offered to record them for a music producing friend. Tyler had eventually forgotten about that until Christmas when Josh had hidden a CD of their music inside an empty Mac computer box like the absolute nerd he was.

"It's so weird, hearing what we've made like this."

"Just wait until we get to 'A Car, a Torch, a Death' it's my favourite," Josh whispered just loud enough for Tyler to hear.

Tyler picked up Josh's hands and had began circling his knuckles absent-mindedly with his thumb, he was close enough to Josh that he could lift his head up and kiss him without much effort. His boyfriend smelled overwhelmingly like peppermint and vaguely of the iced tea he'd been drinking all afternoon as if it were water. It required little effort to kiss his boyfriend so he did, Tyler's own voice in the background singing of conformity and walking towards the sea although Josh liked to say that it was really just a song about aliens saving someone's life. Tyler felt himself smile against his boyfriend's lips and went to entwine his fingers with Josh's.

Tyler pulled back, "I just realised I never wished you a merry Christmas," he muttered and Josh laughed, somehow airy and breathless at the same time.

"Thanks for the best Christmas honestly," Josh replied.

"That reminds me." Tyler hopped off the bed and produced a wrapped box from his suitcase, he handed it to Josh and sat back down with an eager grin.

Josh opened the present and practically started howling with laughter when he realised it was the book series that he'd been swapping with non-fiction books.

"If you look inside the books too Jenna actually somehow managed to get signed copies, don't ask how though she just giggles when I try to ask."

"How did I end up with someone as wonderful and cute as you?" Josh asked before kissing Tyler quickly on the side of his mouth. Ever since Josh had been allowed to start kissing Tyler he had taken full advantage of it, giving his boyfriend kisses everywhere relentlessly but Tyler seemed to enjoy them.

"You must have been a saint in your past life," Tyler said.

"That definitely seems like the only reasonable answer." Josh moved so that he could lie down under his doona, he was tired and worn out after Christmas and he also felt like he was pregnant with the amount of food he'd eaten at lunch. It had practically been a buffet. Tyler joined him with a yawn and discarded the CD player onto the floor, they could finish it in the morning.

Tyler buried his face into the space between Josh's neck and shoulder and tiredly wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's middle. Boyfriend. It made butterflies erupt in Tyler's stomach to use that word. He could feel Josh lightly press his lips to the top of Tyler's head and threw an arm over him, his hand resting on Tyler's back. Their legs tangled together naturally and Tyler loved just how easily they fitted together, he loved the constant warmth that Josh radiated and the reassuring deep breathing of his boyfriend, the slow expanding and contracting of his chest felt like a constant reminder that Josh was _there_ and he was right next to Tyler and he was _alive_.

"You know that I love you," Tyler murmured so softly he wasn't even sure he was coherent to Josh.

Josh hummed contently, "I know. I love you as well, so much it's ridiculous." He chuckled warmly, tiredness flooding his words as he mumbled them against Tyler's forehead.

" _Twist your head around_ ," Josh had begun whispering. " _it's all around you, all is full of love._

_"All around you, all is full of of love."_

_All is full of love_  
_all is full of love_  
_all is full of love_  
_all is full of love_  
_all is full of l o v e_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song at the end is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-n3vcMk-_w  
> im a sucker for death cab also thank u to everyone who commented and gave this fic a kudos, u guys are the absolute best


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